


Ten Steps Backwards

by ResidentMassMurderer



Series: Autistic Klaus Hargreeves [8]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Gen, Good Brother Ben Hargreeves, Good Brother Diego Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus Hargreeves Needs Help, Mental Breakdown, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-02-26 00:03:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18712414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ResidentMassMurderer/pseuds/ResidentMassMurderer
Summary: Klaus has a mental breakdown that spirals out of control





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> dumpster fire. same warnings as usual, depression is killing me so i have no writing motivation. i don't think a new UMI chapter will be out Monday but ill try to get one out next Monday. more autistic Klaus behavior next chapter not much this chapter

Klaus was on edge he’s been on edge all day. Diego took Tarot to the vet for a mandatory check up so he and Ben where alone in the apartment. He bit his lip not noticing he was scratching his bare arm till Ben gently stopped him. He bit his lip curling up in a tight ball on the couch shaking.  
“Klaus what do you need buddy”Ben asks softly kneeling in front of him. He frowns shrugging slightly he really only wants Tarot but she’s not here. His head was to loud the ghosts in his head screaming. Ben sighs but sits next to him close but not invading his personal space and starts playing solitaire on the coffee table. After a while of silence he stands up.  
“I need a shower”he says softly to Ben before shuffling to the bathroom. His body felt like a live wire and he quickly shed his clothes and that made him feel less claustrophobic. He turns the shower on as cold as it could go before sitting under the spray shaking. His head was loud like every single ghost that he has ever seen is screaming in his head. He puts his head on his knees whimpering scratching his arms hard making them bleed so maybe the pain will drown out the screaming. He didn’t notice how long he was there or how deep the scratches where getting or how his body started to rock or the tears dripping down his face. He misses the knock at the door and it cracking open. He reaches up yanking his hair hard whimpering they wouldn’t stop screaming every thing was loud. He throws his head back hard in the tile wall and tries to do it again but is stopped by a hand.  
“Klaus hey buddy”he hears faint but can’t place the voice he whimpers yanking his hair again.  
“Klaus no don't do that okay”says the voice gently pulling his hands into their own. He shakes his head slamming his head on his knees it’s not as effective as the wall but it works. He whines when his legs were slowly pushes down but didn’t resist.  
“Klaus can you take a deep breath for me”the voice says and he tries but he can’t making him shake his head rapidly shaking.  
“It’s okay buddy try counting backwards from fifty”the voice says and he does. By twenty he notices the water is off and by five his breathing has settled. He looks up slowly seeing Bens concerned face.  
“Hey buddy you back with me”Ben asks softly and he nods slightly and Bens shoulders sag.  
“Bad day”Ben asks and he nods.  
“Head”he mumbles and Ben frowns.  
“Do you want your headphones”Ben asks and he nods before falling heavily against the wall sighing. He watches Ben disappear and reappear with his headphones and he shakily reached for them. He slipped the on sighing once the noise cancellation was turned on. Even tho it didn’t silence the voices in his head it made the quieter like the headphones where blocking his mind. He sighed and after a bit he reached for Ben who gently helped him up. Ben mouthed clothes to him and he shook his head. Ben nodded and sat him on the toilet bandaging him arms up slowly before slowly leading him back to the living room pointing to his weighted blanket. He nods laying on the cool wood floor and Ben gently lays the blanket over him before sitting a few feet away starting a game of solitary. He watches will blank eyes drained and on edge still. As time passes Ben keeps asking me if I’m want to eat and I always decline I wasn’t hungry I felt too nauseous to try. He sees Ben look up so Diego must be back. He is proven right when a black fur ball runs over and curls up next to him and starts nuzzling him gently. He sighed shakily pulling his arm out from the blankets and runs his fingers threw Tarot’s fur. He sees Ben talking to Diego most likely about his breakdown in the shower. He sighed scratching Tarot’s ears and for the first time in a while he wished he wasn’t alive. He closed his eyes resting a hand on Tarot and pretends to fall asleep. After a bit he feels someone gently pick me up and lay me on the couch. He feels Tarot jump up and curl up on his chest. After a few minutes of nothing he feels exhaustion take him and he falls asleep his head filled with dark thoughts and muffled screams. When he wake up Tarot is still on his chest asleep and he sees Diego in the kitchen with Ben on the counter. He sighs causing Tarot to wake up and look at him. He pulls a hand out from his weighted blanket and strokes Tarot’s fur gently. He notices Ben appear out of the corner of his eye and he looks at him and manages to remove the headphones off his head without his hands.  
“You feeling better”Ben asks and he shrugs he really only felt worse but Ben didn’t need to know that. They sit in silence for a minute before he sighs and looks at the ceiling. Why did he kept trying he was only burdening Diego with his presents. He closes his eyes again turning to face the black of the couch with a plan in mind. He was going to leave forever not even Ben could stop him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus goes from bad to worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and a dumpster fire. Suicide warning. this is a train wreak, important end note

The next morning after a night of no sleep he waves to Diego as he leaves the apartment for the store. He sighs rubbing his face as the door closes. He asked the nice old lady ghost if she knew where Diego kept his meds, she seemed oblivious to why he wanted to know and told him. He stood up stretching noticing Ben's eyes on him.   
“Hey Ben I’m going to shower for real”he says and Ben nods.  
“If you aren’t out in ten minutes I’m checking up on you”Ben says and he nods noticing his left hand started flapping as he walks to the bathroom after petting Tarot goodbye. He sighs closing the door turning the shower on before opening the below sink cupboard and shuffles a few things till he sees it an innocent looking metal tin. He picks it up opening it smirking grabbing the pills. There was more than one container probably other meds Diego has tried at some point. He take a deep breath opening the container after getting in the shower sitting under the spray his foot tapping rapidly. He starts dry swallowing the pills smiling in content no more burdening his brothers and sister Ben will be able to move on Diego will get more time with Eudora without worrying about him Vanya won't have to worry about him if she knows he’s home alone. He finished the first bottle and was now on the second when half of the bottle is gone the affects started hitting him hard. His vision started blacking when he heard yelling.   
“Klaus oh my god come on focus on me”said some appearing in front of him.  
“I’m sorry Ben but at least I won’t burden anyone anymore”he whispers and Ben threw his darkening vision looks horrified. As he passes out hopefully to death he faintly hears a door slam then nothing. He wakes up to beeping after talking to a very rude little girl who kicked him out of heaven or whatever that place was. He sighs feeling the familiar soft restraints on his wrists holding him to the bed. He cracks his eyes open and looks around slowly. Ben Is by the window, Diego is zoned in a chair and Vanya was staring intently at a cup of coffee, Tarot was on his hips sleeping curled up in a ball. He looks at the ceiling and pushes a little power into Ben making him solid for a second to let him know he was awake. It must of worked because Ben comes over looking relieved.   
“Oh my god Klaus i’m glad you are okay”says Ben sighing. He closes his eyes feeling a few tears leak out.  
“I’m sorry I’m sorry”he whispers noticing his body shaking hard and suddenly the ghosts of his mind where screaming again. He didn’t notice the wines coming out of his mouth or that he was pulling harshly at his restraints or that Diego and Vanya noticed making them notice him.  
“Shhh Klaus we are right here breathe it’s going to be okay”says a soft voice filtering thru the screams of his mind. He cracked his eyes opened and looked in the direction of the voice seeing Vanya staring at him in concern. He tried to wiggle out of the restraints wanting a hug but both Vanya and Diego who was standing over her shoulder gently stopped him. Vanya sat on the edge of the bed gently resting her hand on his. He relaxes slightly his foot shaking under the sheets. It’s silent for a while before a someone comes in and he opens his eyes looking at the doctor exhausted.   
“Hello Klaus how are you”they ask and he shrugs twisting his hand so he could hold Vanya's and Diego day in the chair next to the bed and Ben was standing by his head. Tarot woke up at some point and was now on his chest purring helping him stay grounded to the present.   
“Well Klaus you have been asleep for two days but we would like to keep you one more night before releasing you as long as you have constant supervision twenty four seven”the doctor says and he nods. He zones out as Diego and Vanya talk to the doctor about his release tomorrow and how to go about watching him. He sighs wishing he could pet Tarot but he couldn’t with his hands restrained. In his zoned out state he missed the doctor coming over releasing his hands till he feels his hand being move and set in Tarot. He sighs running his fingers threw her fur gently his whole body shaking. He looks at his siblings looking at him sadly.  
“Klaus Ben agreed to watch you at night and in the bathroom okay Five should be back soon from whatever adventure he is on currently so he and Vanya will watch you when I’m at work but Ben will watch you if no one else can”says Diego and he nods sighing looking at Tarot’s adorable innocent face and smiles slightly when she licks his chin.  
“Klaus getting better isn’t easy there are always going to be setbacks but after take baby steps okay”says Vanya and he nods closing his eyes exhausted and the rumbling of Tarot drifts him to sleep. Ten steps backwards, it seems going backwards is the only thing he is good at.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last Autistic Klaus for while depression is killing me slowly so working on two things at once is too much. I know i'm terrible for taking a break after this one. Im throwing my loose posting schedule out the window I hope to have a new UMI chapter up soon but depression isn't letting me creative

**Author's Note:**

> sorry it's short


End file.
